This Curse Called A Past (Mature, Yaoi, Open)

I conjure up the thought of being gone
But I'd probably even do that wrong
I try to think about which way
Would I be able to and would I be afraid

Cause oh I'm bleeding out inside
Oh I don't even mind (Yeah)

I had always know that it was a mistake. There was no way that anyone could love me. There was no possibility of someone caring for me as much as you claimed to. I always knew that you were a lying. My heart and my mind both told me this, over and over.

so why did hurt so damn much to see you with her?

I hadn't been surprised or anything like that, just so you know. Yeah, I was pissed off, sad, hurt, betrayed, but surprised or shocked? I didn't even think to feel those things.

It's all your fault
You called me beautiful
You turned me out
And now I can't turn back
I hold my breath
Because you were perfect
But I'm running out of air
And it's not fair

I'm trying to figure out what else to say (What else could I say)
To make you turn around and come back this way (Would you just come back this way)
I feel like we could be really awesome together
So make up your mind cause it's now or never (oh)

The two of you were at our favorite shop, the one place that you know I loved going to. The two of you were standing so close that I didn't think you could walk without grinding against each other, and your hands were twined together like you never wanted to let go. When I first saw you, I had felt all of those things.


Sad, because I knew that she was everything that you had wanted me to be.
Mad, because you hadn't had the decency to end it before starting something new.
Hurt, because you had broken the part of my heart I had given to you.
Betrayed, because you had called me beautiful.

The mix was like poison to my heart, making it shrivel up inside my chest, leaving my gasping with pain. Yet, my usual standard, don't cry, don't scream, don't tell anybody, had hit me, and hard. So, with my usual pride and reserve, I had turned away, clicking away on my cell phone to block your number.

Then you spotted me. Even as you said them, the meaning of the sounds was lost on me. 'Not what it looks like' 'give you a chance' 'explain' 'apologize' 'means more than that' 'don't'.

I had understood one word of that: don't, and I had repeated it. Don't, just don't. Don't lie to me anymore. Don't say I'm beautiful. Don't turn around and say you didn't mean it. Just don't.

With that, the best thing that I had had in a long time ended.

I feel so stupid for putting so much into a relationship with someone like you.

Looking up the ceiling, I did my best to put the thoughts out of my head. It would do me no good to fret over something that made me sad, especially not when today was my first day back at school after a year away. I could only imagine the abuse I would receive from classmates.

Before hand, I had never been popular. I mean, hell, I had been beat up on a daily basis, flunked by teacher for no reason, and even the other unpopular kids hated me. It had been pretty well decided that I was just better off dead.

The rumor about me fucking a teacher so that he would flunk the star football player had definitely not made me any more popular. In fact, for fear of my life, I had been removed from the school. Since my mother traveled, I had just gone with her around the world, studying and learning about different cultures.

So far, I had fallen in love with Sweden, Nara Japan, and a Paris France. America didn't hold a lot of appeal, except for San Fransisco. However, I wasn't in San Fransisco. I was in a small, bible belt town in West Virgina. I had to be here. Living with my father. It was as close to tell as it got for me.

Bang, bang, bang!

"Jan! Are you awake yet?" my dad called through the door.

Glaring at it, I flipped him off through the heavy wood and stayed silent. For a few more minutes, he lingered and then walked off. Standing up, I slipped over to the door and peeked out. He wasn't in the all and I couldn't see him in the foyer, so I made a dash for the door. Whether it was luck or a curse, I managed to miss him.

Ever since Mom had told him about one of my "confidence issues" he had been trying to remedy it.

Bastard.

He had called it a girl complex and he wouldn't have his son suffering through it.

Fuck him. What did he know?

I was on the street, walking towards school. Gods, there was no way that I was going to survive this.

((OOC:/ so cyan equals present times, dark blue is song lyrics, and blue is his memories/thoughts, at least when they are condensed. The different colors are for this post only.
If you do not want to RP in first person, post in third and I shall switch to third.
His name is Jannek or Jan.
I was thinking that he could meet up with the football player whom he allegedly got flunked could meet in the streets, start talking, and have this 'love at first remeet' or the football player could know who he is, seek him out, and it would be the start of an abusive relationship that grows into something more tender.
Or the teacher that he was accused of sleeping with could want to talk to him about the rumor.
OR you could do something completely original. It's up to you.
Just make sure to tell me in your OCC which it is.
There shall be many twists and turns in this one, including the 'you' mentioned at the start.
Please have a picture, be literate and have a sense of humor. Thanks.
Jan is a bottom/submissive.))